Theory and Practice of Contemporary Psychotherapies

Carl Rogers Person Centered Therapy Session Video Transcript

Dr. Rogers: If I have any success in creating the kind of conditions that I described initially, then we may be able to see some of these changes in this client even though I know in advance that our contact is going to be very brief.

Dr. Rogers: Good morning, I'm Dr. Rogers, you must be Gloria

Gloria: Yes I am

Dr. Rogers: You have this chair. Now now, we have half an hour together and I really don't know what we'll be able to make of it but I hope we can make something of it. I'd be glad to know whatever concerns you.

Gloria: Well I'm right now I'm nervous but I feel more comfortable the way you're talking in a low voice oh I don't feel like you'll be so harsh on me but ah

Dr. Rogers: I hear the term of the new voice ooh

Gloria: Well the main thing I want to talk to you about it is ah I'm just newly divorced and I had gone in therapy before and I felt comfortable when I left and all of a sudden now the biggest change is adjusting to my single life. And one of the things that bothered me the most is especially men and having men into the house and how it affects the children the biggest thing I want the thing keeps coming to my mind I want to tell you about is I have a daughter nine who at one time I felt I had a lot of emotional problems. I wish I could stop shaking. And I real conscious of things affecting her I don't want her to get upset I don't want to shock her I want so bad to her to except me. And we're will open with each other especially about sex and the other day she saw a girl that was single the pregnant and she asked me all about can girls get pregnant if they're single? And the conversation was fine and I wasn't un-at-ease at all with her until she asked me if I'd ever made love to a man since I've left her daddy and I lied to her. And ever since that it keeps coming up to my mind cuz I feel so guilty lying to her because I never and I wanted to trust me and I want I almost want an answer from you I want you to tell me if it will affect her wrong if I told her the truth or would.

Dr. Rogers: And there's this concern about her and the fact that you really aren't that this open relationship that has existed between you now you feel is kind of damaged.

Gloria: Yes because I feel I have to be on guard about that because I remember when I was a little girl when I first found out my mother father made love it was dirty and terrible and I didn't I didn't like her anymore for a while. And I don't want to lie to pan me either and I don't know…

Dr. Rogers: I sure wish I could give you the answer as to what you should tell her.

Gloria: I was afraid you're going to say that.

Dr. Rogers: because what you really want is an answer.

Gloria: I want to especially know if it would affect her if I was completely honest and open with her or if it would affect her because I lied I feel like it's bound to make a strain because I lied to her.

Dr. Rogers: You feel she'll suspect that or she will know something's not quite right.

Gloria: I believe inside she'll distrust me yes, and also I thought would she what about when she gets a little older and she finds herself in touchy situations she probably wouldn't want to admit it to me cuz she thinks I'm so good and so sweet and yet I'm afraid she could think I'm really a devil and I went so bad for her to accept me I don't know how much a nine year old can take.

Dr. Rogers: and both alternatives concern you that she might think you're too good or better than you really are,

Gloria: yes

Dr. Rogers: she might think that you're worse than you are.

Gloria: not worse than I am I don't know if she can accept me the way I I think I paint a picture that I'm all sweet and motherly and I'm a little ashamed of my shady side too.

Dr. Rogers: mm-hmm I see, it really cuts a little deeper if she really knew you would she could she accept you?

Gloria: This is what I don't know, yes, I don't want her to turn away from me. And I don't even know how I feel about it because there are times when I feel so guilty like when I have a man over, I even try to make a special set up so that if I were ever alone with him the children would never catch me in that sort of thing, because I'm worried about it and yet I also know I have these desires.

Dr. Rogers: So that's quickly it isn't only her problem or the relationship with her it's in you as well.

Gloria: And my guilt

Dr. Rogers: What can I accept myself as doing,

Gloria: yeah, yes

Dr. Rogers: And you realize that you set up sort of [inaudible] to make sure that that you're not caught or something you realize that you are acting from guilt is it.

Gloria: Yes. I don't like the way I would like to feel comfortable with whatever I do if I choose not to tell Pam me the truth to feel comfortable that she can't handle it and I don't I want to be honest and yet I feel there are some areas that I don't even accept.

Dr. Rogers: mm-hmm if you can't accept them in yourself how could you possibly be comfortable and telling them to her?

Gloria: Right

Dr. Rogers: And yet did you say you do have these desires and you have your feelings but but you don't feel good about them.

Gloria: Right. And I I ever like you're just going to sit there and let me stew on it [laughs] I want more I want you to help me get rid of my guilt feeling if I can get rid of my guilt feeling about lying or going to bed with a single man any of that just so I can feel more comfortable.

Dr. Rogers: And i guess i'd like to say no I don't want to let you just stew in your feelings but on the other hand I also feel that this is the kind of very private thing that I couldn't possibly answer for you, that I sure as anything will try to help you work toward your own answer. I don't know what that makes any sense to you but I mean it.

Gloria: Well I appreciate you saying that you'd sound like you mean it, but I don't know where to go, I don't begin to know where to go, I thought that I'd pretty well worked over most of my guilt and now that this is coming up, I'm disappointed in myself. I really am, I want, I like it when I feel that no matter what I do even if it's against my own morals, or my upbringing, that I can still feel good about me. And now I don't like there's a girl at work who sort of mothers me and she just she I think she thinks I'm all sweet and I sure don't want to show my more ornery devilish side with her I want to be sweet and it's so hard for me this all seems so new again and it's so disappointing.

Dr. Rogers: Yeah, I get the disappointment that here a lot of these things you thought you'd work through and now the guilts and a feeling it only a part of you is acceptable to anybody else.

Gloria: Yes

Dr. Rogers: That keeps coming out. I guess I did catch the real deep puzzlement that you feel as to what the hell shall I do.

Gloria: Yes and you know what I can find Dr. is that everything I start to do that I, impulse it seems natural to tell Pam I'm going go go out on a date or something, I'm comfortable until I think how I was affected as a child, and the minute that comes up then I'm all haywire. Like I want to be a good mother so bad, and I feel like I have a good mother, but then there's those little exceptions, like my guilts with working. I want to work and it's so fun having extra money I like to work nice, the minute I think I'm not being real good to the children are giving them enough time then I start feeling guilty again then that's what I'm it's gets, uh, what do they call it, a double bind, that's just what it feels like I want to do this and it feels right but after all I'm not being a good mother and I want to be both I'm becoming more and more aware of what a perfectionist I am that's what it seems like I want to be so perfect. Either I want to become perfect in my standards or not have that need anymore.

Dr. Rogers: Or I guess I hear it a little differently that what you want is to seem perfect, but it means, it's a great matter of great importance due to be a good mother and you want to seem to be a good mother even if some of your actual feelings differ from that is that okay.

Gloria: Yeah I feel like I'm saying that, no that isn't what I feel, really, I want to approve of me always, but my actions won't let me, I want to approve with me, I didn't,

Dr. Rogers: All right let me I'd like to understand it you said your actions are kind of outside of you, you want to approve of you, but what you do somehow, won't let you approve of yourself.

Gloria: Right, like I feel but I can approve with myself regarding for example my sex life, this is the big thing, if I really fell in love the man and I respected him and I adored him I don't think I'd feel so guilty going to bed with him. I don't think I'd have to make up any excuses to the children because they could see my natural caring for them, but when I have the physical desire and I'll say oh well why not and I want to anyway, then I feel guilty afterwards I hate facing the kids I don't like looking at myself and I really enjoy it, and this is what I mean if the circumstances would be different I don't think it feels so guilty because I feel right about it.

Dr. Rogers: Yeah I guess I hear you saying if if what I was doing when I went to bed with a man was really genuine and full of love and respect and so on, I wouldn't feel guilty in relation to Pam I wouldn't I really would be comfortable about the situation.

Gloria: That's how I feel yes and I know that sounds like I want a perfect situation but that is how I feel and in the meantime I can't stop these desires I've tried that also i've tried saying okay I don't like myself when I do that so I would do it anymore. But then I resent the children I think why should they stop me from doing what I want and it's really not that bad.

Dr. Rogers: But I guess I heard just saying to that isn't only the children…